Marius: A User's Guide and Maintenance Manual
by elvenarchress
Summary: Congratulations! You are now the proud owner of a MARIUS unit! To make sure you receive the full benefits of your ravenhaired insurgent, please read the following information.


Disclaimer: Les Miserables belongs to Victor Hugo

AN: The User's Guide and Maintenance Manual format/plot belongs to Theresa Green. If you'd like to make your own guide ask permission first! No stealing! Please enjoy…

Marius: The Owners' Guide and Maintenance Manual

Congratulations! You are now the proud owner of a MARIUS unit! This version is based upon the work of Victor Hugo. To make sure you receive the full benefits of your raven-haired insurgent, please read the following information.

Technical Specifications:

Name: Baron Marius Pontmercy

Type: 19th century French revolutionist

Manufacturer: Colonel Baron Industries

Date of Production: 1810

Height: medium

Weight: Unsure but probably underweight

Hair color: jet-black

Your MARIUS unit comes with the following accessories:

One (1) good suit (pants, coat) (for special occasions) black

One (1) everyday suit, slightly worn, black

Three (3) shirts, slightly worn (renew as they wear out)

One (1) black shagreen box (like a medallion) fastened on a black ribbon containing his father's will

One (1) pistol (balls/bullets and gun powder included)

One hundred (100) cards bearing the name _"Baron Marius Pontmercy"_

Replacements and additional accessories are available. Take care in using the pistol. It is NOT a toy.

Installation

Your MARIUS unit will arrive in his dormant stage (meaning for shipping purposes he's been knocked unconscious). Gently take him out of his box, lay him down on something soft and wait for him to wake up. When he does awaken, he will be initially wary but if you explain things to him calmly, patiently and most importantly rationally he will listen and accept you as his owner. Should your diplomacy skill be lacking, show him your receipt and he will acknowledge you, if somewhat stiffly.

For your convenience, your MARIUS unit has been programmed to understand your language in addition to French, English and German. Should you be able to understand any of the three, there will be no additional languages programmed.

Programming/Settings/Modes

Dignified: This is the MARIUS unit's default setting and while it is active he will act with dignity and honor, following the law but his conscience rules above all. He believes fully in "duty" and the fulfillment of.

Stubborn as a Goat: Due to his pride and inherent fanaticism the MARIUS unit can be extremely tenacious about his beliefs. When contradicted/challenged, this setting is activated automatically and he may or may not accept those who would disagree with him let alone what they say. This setting may also be followed by the 'Reckless (AKA suicidal)' mode.

Angst/Supreme Depression: The MARIUS unit possesses a melancholic nature and thus is prone to periods of depression initiated when something untoward happens (like being disowned or being unable to find or be with his love). This mode is usually succeeded by the 'Reckless (AKA suicidal)' mode.

Reckless (AKA Suicidal): While in this mode the unit is likely to do really stupid things without thinking things through (like leaving home with only 30 francs or seeking death).

Slash (locked): This setting is extremely hard to open as the MARIUS unit has had a strict upbringing with rigid rules on propriety and is a devote Catholic whose religion frowns upon such unions. (However, keeping him nice and lonely with only male companions, specifically that which you wish to pair him with, may make him see differently; it is not however recommended.)

Note: we are not responsible for any actions done by the MARIUS unit while in 'Reckless (AKA Suicidal)' mode.

Functions

Listed below are some of the many functions your MARIUS unit can be utilized for. Please note these are merely suggestions, your imagination is the only limitation.

Friend:

The MARIUS unit is loyal to a fault and will always help you out through thick and thin.

Lover:

The unit has all the traits of a true gentleman, honest, hardworking and good looking. He would be a good life companion for anyone. (Warning: if you wish to utilize your unit for this function you must keep all COSETTE units far away. Allowing exposure will ensure a nonreversible attraction between the units.)

Lawyer:

The MARIUS unit has been programmed to be a lawyer and coupled with his inherent intelligence, is quite capable of handling your paperwork. He has passed the bar as well so he can indeed defend you in court.

Translator:

With three (or four) languages preprogrammed into his system he is very useful when traveling or researching. (Should you be in need of cash, renting his services in this respect out could bring in a pretty penny.)

Fighter/Protector:

Your unit is proficient in using firearms and will protect you and any you hold dear (even if he has to threaten genocide by explosion) with his life.

Stalker:

Not the most popular function, at least among those with morals. This function is useful for those who wish to trail the object of their interests to fuel the fires of their obsession. (Note: this function will have the adverse effect of said object avoiding the MARIUS unit (to the point of relocation) should he be caught.)

Detective:

This function is often employed with the unit in his 'Stubborn as a goat' mode. The MARIUS unit will stop at nothing to find whatever you wish to be found be it father's benefactor, girlfriend or savior.

Worshiper:

Need your ego stroked? Well the MARIUS unit possesses a fanatical obsession towards any person he deems of great honor or beauty. Simply do him a great favor (say save his father's or his life) and he will venerate the ground you walk on for the rest of his life.

Compatibility: 

COSETTE: A small and beautiful woman, she is the love of the MARIUS unit's life. They are very compatible.

VALJEAN they will get along provided that the MARIUS unit has not been exposed to a COSETTE unit. Should the MARIUS unit have been exposed he will be wary of the old man and actively seek to avoid him while he ogles the girl.

GILLENORMAND & MLLE. GILLENORMAND They raised him so he bears respect for them but the MARIUS unit will scorn the GILLENORMAND unit (and his royalist ways) unless the 'MARIUS ATTACKS' program has been installed in both units (there will be conflict and pain if only one has had the upgrade.).

JAVERT The two are indifferent to each other so yes they're compatible. (In the simplest of terms: you can put them both in the same room without either trying to commit murder.)

THENARDIER Due to his father's will the MARIUS unit will come into conflict with his vow and his conscience when faced with the THENARDIER unit. Not compatible.

COURFEYAC Although the MARIUS unit disapproves of the COURFEYAC unit's loose ways they are very good friends and get along quite well.

ENJOLRAS Another of the MARIUS unit's friends they both posses a burning love though the objects of which are quite different and may cause friction between the two.

EPONINE This young lady pops up at random intervals to help out the MARIUS unit while nursing a crush on him (which he is oblivious to). He feels sympathy towards her for her condition and tries to help her out. They are compatible but their interaction should be carefully monitored; she may just try to do him in.

Due to the 'SO IT WAS WRITTEN, SO IT SHALL BE' law, the MARIUS and COSETTE pairing is (practically) inevitable and unbreakable once initiated. Should you wish to pair your MARIUS unit with someone else, avoid all COSETTE units. (Feedback from other clients however, informs us that most of the time even that doesn't work, and they eventually find each other.)

Maintenance/Cleaning

Your MARIUS unit is quite capable of cleaning himself; merely explain how to use the equipment in your bathroom and your MARIUS will do the rest. Should you wish to "help" him, do so at your own discretion. (We are not responsible for any repercussions that may occur.)

Your unit requires the usual 6-8 hours of recharging/sleep and regular meals but he is able to function on half rations or even hardly anything at all for up to three years (this is not advisable however… he tends to become even more serious and melancholic, though there are those who cannot tell the difference.)

FAQ's

Q: Can I take my MARIUS outside?

A: Of course. He has had a bourgeois upbringing and so knows the best spots in France, especially Paris. But be careful when you bring him out. He is well liked by women in general and some may attempt to take him from you (example: the EPONINE unit is particularly tenacious and will even go so far as to arrange your MARIUS unit's destruction if it is apparent that she cannot have him. Be careful. You have been warned.)

Take caution when bringing him into parks. Should there be an old white-haired gentleman with a young girl in black it would be best to avoid that park lest your MARIUS become infatuated with the COSETTE unit (no fear if she has not been upgraded with the OH, I'M PRETTY dress-up program).

Q: My MARIUS unit has nice clothes, teases me and likes to chat up to women! Is this normal?

A: You have been issued a COURFEYAC unit by mistake. Send him back with your receipt and you will be issued the correct unit.

Q: My MARIUS loves to study but he's constantly proclaiming stuff like "liberty, equality, fraternity", what's going on?

A: You have been issued a ENJOLRAS unit by mistake. Should you wish to return him, just ship him back and we will happily send you your MARIUS.

Q: My MARIUS unit has fallen for a COSETTE unit! Is there anyway to make him forget about her?

A: No. Unfortunately that situation is hopeless, better get used to it.

Q: My MARIUS unit refuses to wear anything but black and if I try to make him wear (or force him to wear) another color he refuses to go out till night!

A: Your unit is in mourning for his father. This is perfectly normal behavior and anyway, he looks good in black.

Q: I've checked the package carefully but the black shagreen box is missing and my unit is upset! What do I do?

A: Unfortunately, a GILLENORMAND unit has tampered with your shipping and the box is now lost for good. Keep your MARIUS unit away from any GILLENORMAND units or fighting will ensue.

Troubleshooting

**Problem:** Your unit has taken to going out at night and comes home past midnight. After which he sleeps with a handkerchief embroidered with "U.F." clasped to his chest.

**Solution:** Your MARIUS unit has become infatuated with a COSETTE unit and is stalking her. Best inform him that this is wrong and that it will most likely give her father a reason to avoid him. If this does not work, lock all the doors and windows to prevent him from continuing with his unhealthy nocturnal activity.

**Problem: **Unit does not perform assigned functions and fails to sleep or eat properly if at all.

**Solution:** Your MARIUS unit is exhibiting classic COSETTE withdrawal symptoms. You had best help him find her or purchase one yourself soon before your MARIUS does something drastic, like getting involved in a civil war.

**Problem:** Unit has disappeared after a long period of depression.

**Solution: **Your unit has discovered that his beloved Cosette unit is leaving the country and has gone to join a revolution. Do not attempt to go after him. He wants to die after all; he will not listen. Send a Valjean unit to save him instead. (Should the Valjean unit be reluctant to save your unit send a Gavroche unit to him with a 'Marius' suicide note' and he'll bring him back bloody, bruised and broken in many places, but alive.)

**Problem:** MARIUS unit looks worn out and has a long scar running from his forehead to his cheek. He has a tendency to follow and watch little black haired boys accompanied by aunts and sometimes bursts into tears during observation.

**Solution:** You've been issued a GEORGES PONTMERCY unit by mistake! That unit is a collector's prize due to its rarity and precarious life expectancy (the GEORGES unit has the tendency to cease functioning upon reaching close proximity to a MARIUS unit. There is no way to prevent this. For the continuing health of the GEORGES unit you should never put it anywhere near a MARIUS unit.). Should you wish to return the unit (why?) simply send it back together with your receipt and we shall send you your MARIUS unit. (Should you wish to keep the unit you will automatically be banned from ordering a MARIUS unit for the sake of the GEORGES unit.)

**Problem:** Unit has not been sleeping properly and has been moaning the names of his father and Thenardier in his sleep.

**Solution:** He has been exposed to the duplicity of the THENARDIER unit and is currently in shock. To remedy, send the THENARDIER unit far, far away (preferably to another continent).

Final Note

MARIUS units can be acquired separately or as part of the LOVERS SET together with the COSETTE unit or the ABC SOCIETY set along with the other main insurgents.

The MARIUS unit will serve you faithfully for years to come and with his inherent ability for survival, is issued with a lifetime guarantee. Enjoy!


End file.
